It can be tough to forgive a human who lied to you. It takes some problem-solving, reflection, and a good deal of communication with the individual who did wrong to you, and finally, a leap of trust. But even then, forgiveness might not be granted or earned. This blog must support you sort out whether forgiveness is merited for your circumstance, and how to do it.
Reflect on whether it was a YES lie.
A lie is a calculated deception. Being told something you believe is not true is hurtful, but take the time (if possible) to decide if the human deliberately deceived you. There are certain untruths that might not actually be a lie. For instance:
- Your friend said he signed up for yoga class with you, but he did not get into the class. You thought maybe she lied, but in talking with her explore there was not room enough for everyone who signed up. Or it conflicted with a needed class for her.
- Sara said to you she is not attracted to girls. Later, you discover out she kissed Harshvardhan in the past. Maybe that kiss actually convinced her she really is not attracted to chicks. Or she may not be honest to herself. Or she really is not certain, she probably be exploring her own emotions.
- Your mother claims she did not take your earrings. You identify she is wearing them. It turns out your papa gave her a pair that looking just like yours, and she mixed them up.
Does the other person acknowledge he or she lied?
If the other human denies lying, it is tough to move towards forgiveness. Be very, very careful of accusing another human of lying. Be certain you have explored Step #1 first. If you have a great relationship with the other human, try to give the other human a way to “save face”. In other words, a graceful manner to tell the truth without looking bad. Example: Your buddy lied about placing first in a swimming championship. You understand she actually placed third, and asking if she is mixing her story up with last year, when she placed first. By doing so, she can correct her tale without embarrassment–and the truth is still said.
Is the other human keen to talk about it?
It is much easy to forgive someone if he or she communicates to you about the deceit. The circumstance might determine if you can or must make an effort to make it easy for the other human to talk about it or not. For example:
- Your usually get along great with your twin, but he lied about a minor but annoy thing. You approach him gently at a time when he is more open and relaxed to talking to you.
- You were stood up; she lied about needed to go on a date with you. She admits that to you but will not offer any coherent reason. You decide that is a lousy manner to treat you, and if she really needs forgiveness, she understand how to get in touch with you.
Why the lie?
It helps to know the reasoning behind the lie, if there is one. Sometimes the reason is petty and selfish. Other times, the reasoning may actually be rather lofty. If you do understand the reason behind the lie, it might clarify to you whether you do forgive or not.
- A lie might be there for a lofty reason. For example, some humans grew up not knowing they were adopted as adoptive parents needed them to feel just as valued as biological kids. It still might be hurtful, but it might help to understand it was in an attempt to protect you.
- You do forgive a selfish lie. Your buddy might have lied about taking your shoes, but if she made amends and came clean, it might be easy to forgive her.
- It is usually up to the liar to explained the lie. In general, the human who lied to you wants to explain why he or she lied. “I don’t know” is generally not useful in gaining your forgiveness. Younger kids, special needs individuals, and the like sometimes might need a caregiver to support moderate this conversation.